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Post by The Smurf on Apr 16, 2006 11:15:14 GMT -5
"NeoSenshi is planned to be an epic story focusing on Zieg Ross, general of Squadron Eight of the NeoSenshi Unit. The NeoSenshi Unit is a government-owned corporation being told it is serving the country when, in reality, it is a tool used to put down revolts and protests against the government. The NeoSenshi Unit is run by a soldier named Marcus whose father founded the corporation. Marcus makes many of the administrative decisions, but is still a puppet of the government. It is during a crushing of an onslaught of riots that the government finds out about a corporation known as NeoGene. They order NeoSenshi to have it investigated, and strange things begin to unfold. The corrupt government begins to seem meager as some darker secrets are discovered. As NeoGene and NeoSenshi begin to put together the big picture, people begin to die. Can Zieg uncover the mysteries of his world before his number's up?" so...yeah. that's directly from my site. here's a link to the first chapter. feel free to respond here. enjoy. home.comcast.net/~smurf85/onlinestorage/NeoSenshi_Ch1.htm-the smurf |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 17, 2006 5:39:33 GMT -5
This is VERY good. ;D Very well-written, and I like how you really delve into how the characters think. I read the whole thing, and this seems like a great first part for the brief summary above. Keep posting when you finish new parts! ;D
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Post by Doan the Nado on Apr 17, 2006 9:41:51 GMT -5
Your brief summary sounds like a very good premise for a game. I went to your site, but I don't think I have time to read that between classes right now. The fact that you've taken the time to write out the story so thoroughly certainly bodes well for your game: you definitely won't run out of ideas to add when you get temporarily stuck somewhere.
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Post by The Smurf on Apr 17, 2006 14:25:57 GMT -5
Your brief summary sounds like a very good premise for a game. I went to your site, but I don't think I have time to read that between classes right now. The fact that you've taken the time to write out the story so thoroughly certainly bodes well for your game: you definitely won't run out of ideas to add when you get temporarily stuck somewhere. unfortunately, i don't think i'm going to make this into a game. it's been up in the air for a while and originally started as a game idea, but i realized there were only going to be a few towns, no dungeons, no bosses, etc...it just doesn't have enough of the stuff to be a game. of course, if i find a way i'll do it, but...doesn't seem like it at this point. ;D thanks for the compliments. -the smurf |
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Post by BloodKnight on Apr 17, 2006 15:38:47 GMT -5
I briefly read it, sounds good. The fact that you outlined all the individual dialogue, motives etc. is really something.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 17, 2006 18:55:25 GMT -5
It's difficult and lengthy since everything will be done with cutscenes, but you can make it into a game. A big chunk of my current game is 'missions' and 'Headquarters', which this format sounds like it would work for you. I certainly don't blame you for not trying to make it on RPGM2 though, because it would pretty much all have to be done through cutscenes, which takes a ton of work. So far my game's about 30 minutes of cutscenes and 30 minutes of playing, and from what I read yours would be about the same: they'd play the battling at the beginning and play managing items/talking to people at Headquarters, but the rest would be cutscenes. Either way's good though since it's written well.
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Post by Doan the Nado on Apr 17, 2006 22:59:01 GMT -5
It would be pretty cool to make something that was half cutscenes, half strategic battling. I would play it, although I'm sure it would be a lot of work to make.
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Post by Neo Samurai on May 21, 2006 13:38:04 GMT -5
Sorry that I didn't read this earlier.
I noticed that your story sounded a lot like your post in the "Theories of Life" thread. Is that the main theme of your story?
Anyway, I enjoyed reading it. Very good.
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Post by The Smurf on May 21, 2006 13:45:59 GMT -5
I noticed that your story sounded a lot like your post in the "Theories of Life" thread. Is that the main theme of your story? well, it plays a part in the story. i don't want to give anything away, but let's say that talks of fate, afterlife, death, and coincidence will be fairly common throughout the story. thanks for the feedback. -the smurf |
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Post by doyleman on May 24, 2006 15:17:32 GMT -5
good summary  . I have ta say that I think, even if there were no battles, it'd be a cool game, what with cutscenes and all. I'm more of a visual person though. Anyway, sounds good . |
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Post by The Smurf on May 25, 2006 20:16:27 GMT -5
got some cool news...change of plans. originally i had Ch2 planned for a mid-June release, but i didn't realize i was practically done. so, chapter 2 is now available on my site. Chapter 2: The Soldier in the Squarecheck it out and gimme some feedback. there's already been a ton of forshadowing, symbolism, and clues throughout the first two chapters, so feel free to analyze some stuff. of course, i'm not going to reveal anything. have fun, and enjoy the saga. -the smurf |
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Post by Neo Samurai on May 26, 2006 19:13:08 GMT -5
Another nice chapter. If there was a smiley that clapped hands, I'd put it here. One problem though... They chose chicken over steak!?   |
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Post by The Smurf on May 28, 2006 20:51:33 GMT -5
hm...good point. dunno why i made them choose chicken...  anyway, thanks for the compliments. i'll probably get started on chapter 3 once may is finished. this weekend's been brutal with homework and next weekend will be, too. but after that i should be done with homework for the rest of the year pretty much. look forward to lots of action in 3...cause 4 will be, uh, not action... -the smurf |
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Post by vespuleth on May 28, 2006 21:27:19 GMT -5
i wish i could read your story but i cannot access it from work. is there a way i can get you to email it to me? (or ill read it when i get time to surf the net at home [which never happens])
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Post by The Smurf on May 28, 2006 21:33:16 GMT -5
well, i clicked on the email address in your profile, but i got an error message saying that the default client wasn't installed or something...
is there anywhere else i can send it?
-the smurf
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Post by vespuleth on May 29, 2006 0:10:01 GMT -5
ummm... you could send it to me in a pm, or go to my website (http://www.theconditionals.com/) and click the email link at the bottom of the page. thanks.
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Post by The Smurf on May 29, 2006 8:54:55 GMT -5
well, i had the same error with the email on your site, and its too long for a single pm, so i'll have to do a few pms per chapter.  -the smurf edit: i sent you both chapters through a total of 5 pms. enjoy. ;D |
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Post by Doan the Nado on May 29, 2006 16:12:52 GMT -5
When you click on a mailto link, it tries to open up your computer's default e-mail client in order to write an e-mail to the name you have clicked on. If you do not have a default e-mail client set, it will give you an error message.
To send an e-mail to ves, simply write an e-mail the way you normally do, with his e-mail address in the Send To field.
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Post by vespuleth on May 29, 2006 16:59:54 GMT -5
thanks for that clarification, doan. dont know why i didnt think about it. anyway, i got the pm(s).
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Post by The Smurf on May 29, 2006 18:30:55 GMT -5
ah, i see......... ......... ...wow, why the hell didn't i just copy and paste the email address? ...  anyway...yeah. don't feel rushed to read it, ves.  -the smurf |
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Post by vespuleth on May 30, 2006 14:34:44 GMT -5
so i am reading it, and is my habit, taking notes, making corrections. mind if i critique a bit? (im not too harsh, just ask anyone around)
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Post by The Smurf on May 31, 2006 5:48:31 GMT -5
why not?
-the smurf
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Post by The Smurf on Oct 29, 2006 8:30:16 GMT -5
hey! cool news time. i finished chapter 3 after a long struggle with procrastination. check it out! Chapter 3: The Twilight Ruinall feedback is welcome. enjoy. -the smurf |
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Post by Neo Samurai on Oct 29, 2006 8:40:01 GMT -5
Yeah! Finally! I've been looking forward to this for a long time!
Gonna read it now.
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Post by The Smurf on Nov 3, 2006 22:21:11 GMT -5
so, i'm thinking of starting chapter 4 sometime soon, but i want to ask something before i commit to it. i always have a hard time committing myself to these types of projects, especially since i have so many going on at the same time. i enjoy the story and like what i'm doing with it, but i want to make sure it's worth continuing. it's a lot of work on my part, finding time to work on it while also dealing with my other projects, sitting down and writing it exactly the way i want it, trying to sort out the various ideas i have for it, and so on. i just want to make sure it'll be worth the effort in the end. so, to my question. is there enough interest in the story for me to continue or is it not worth the effort? i'd like to know before i start so that i'm not doing it in vain. thanks. -the smurf |
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