What do you think of this story for a game?

[rpgfanatic]

The year is 3629...(Ardoss uses a Universal Time Conversion Database) the planet Ardoss (the main character's home planet) has become uncomfortable due to the sudden change in the planet's orbit around its star. (the atmosphere has started to deplete, the temperature has risen about 100 degrees, and the magnetic field has become unstable, making electronics and such unstable as well) A special team of astronauts are being trained (at the beginning of the game) to seek out new planets to colonize. The team is lead by Armason (the main character). Later on in the game, the team encounters some very hostile aliens. (This eventually leads to an interplanetary war) Your team must construct bases and weapons on the planets they go to. Then, the player must use strategy to win the war.
Your team travels the stars with the starship Barkooni. Along the way, you can engineer different technologies, like worm hole emitters, warp bubbles, improved weapons, and computer systems. The game also features minigames like spaceball (like soccer in space) and earning liscences by completing tests at the school.
\
Here is the group:

Armason-age:125 sex:male
Garvin-age:48 sex: male
Mathore-age: 200 sex: male
Kartho-age: 26 sex: female

(more characters are met along the way)

I know, this needs work, but this is just a basic concept.

What do you think? What is wrong with it besides the long programming required to make it?

[The Final Rune]

[white]I love RTS style games, and it really sounds like that's what you're working towards. Although, the thought of scripting such a thing scares the beejebus out of me. The story seems alright, but since the planet isn't earth, the year really isn't all that important. Other planets would have different year cycles and no be based on our time schedules.

You say that the planet has become uncomfortable, how so? I wouldn't trek across space just because it got a little hotter outside.

This, like all stories, has potential. I prefer not to dismiss anyone's dreams, but you might be aiming to high. I don't know if you've been a regular poster at the Pavilion, but as this is your fourth post here, and judging from your wording, I imagine your RPGM2 experience is still new. This sounds cool, I'd love to play an RTS-esque game with RPGM2, but I suggest you hold off on big long term games and focus on smaller goals in the mean time.[/white]

[Deleted]

I don't want it to sound like I'm just shooting down you're idea, because I'm not, but you need more firm of a plan. I'm going to have to reserve comment until then. You should definitely check out these to help with your story though.

Doshi Makesuke's (Neo Samurai's) Story-writing Articles:
RPG Articles

And KingSpoom's articles:
KingSpoom's Articles

And my "How to Make a Good Story Guide":
How to Make a Good Story

Hope those help.

One tip too I can already see: focus on what's important first. Gl.

[Maindric Games ©]

rpgfanatic said:

Armason-age:125 sex:male
Garvin-age:48 sex: male
Mathore-age: 200 sex: male
Kartho-age: 26 sex: female

Will Kartho and Garvin get togather? Seeing as they are the closest in age to each other? xD

Well, I think it looks pretty good. Looking at the ages, it looks like 125-200 is the earth age of 25-40. But, 26-48 would be about 9-13 in this world... Is that how it is supposed to be? Just curious. Unless 125-200 is 50-75, then that would make sense to have 26-48 mean 14-20...

[gangstahfolife]

The stories pretty good...but as you said it would take a load of time and extremely hard work to get it done.

[rpgfanatic]

[glow=red,2,300]FOR MAINDRIC[/glow]: Well, you were right about the ages, Armason is about 30 in Earth years, Mathore is about 45 in Earth years,
Garvin and Kartho would be teens in Earth years, about 13-16.
That is a good idea, though, to make those two characters fall in love, to give my story a romantic twist in the middle of an intergalactic war!

I am sorry that i didnt clear that up to begin with

[Maindric Games ©]

Ok, I see now. I actually think that it is pretty good. Keep us updated! =P

[gangstahfolife]

Nice idea, I like it. It seems unique, but a little more detail would be nice. What's the main focus of the game. Traveling to different planets and building forts, or fighting the aliens? Or both at the same time? And can you fail your mission if you do not build enough forts on these planets to win the war? Anyway, just some thoughts. Nice start though.

BTW, as you probably already know, the programming involved in making a game such as that would be very complex and time consuming.

EDIT:

I just realized I already posted in this thread...