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Post by Maindric Games © on Nov 8, 2006 19:03:44 GMT -5
GAMES NAME:Distention--------------------------------------------- Currently working on:First Cut Scene, Fighting Arena. ----------------------------------------------- Characters: ----Main: --------Severin Evander: ---------Age: 22 ---------Sex: Male ---------Occupation: Knight of Folicon, recruit ---------Home Town: Folicon ----Secondary Characters: --------Thangon: ---------Age: 31 ---------Sex: Male ---------Occupation: Knight of Folicon, 3rd Rank ---------Home town: Folicon --------Marchel: ---------Age: 25 ---------Sex: Female ---------Occupation: Knight of Folicon, 2nd Rank ---------Home town: Folicon --------Sindle: ---------Age: 29 ---------Sex: Female ---------Occupation: Knight of Folicon, 1st Rank ---------Home town: Folicon ------------------------------------------------------------ The story starts in Folicon, and the town of Sintial claims to be attacked by mysterious forces, so some knights in Folicon go to check it out, Severin, not supposed to go, ignores his orders, and sneaks onto the transportation, taking them to Sintial. As Severin has just recently been recruited, and is getting tired of doing nothing all the time, he wants to try something, different. Wanting to do something exciting for once in a life time, he had no second thoughts. Next to no prior training, he is in way over his head. ----------------------------------------------------- Before the current time of the plot:: Four powerful wizards, some know them to have been gods, have been running the region of Crystion Frelicious, and have rarely been seen to the rest of society. But one day, the starting of a new age, something had made the four wizards/gods mad, causing the region to flood with lava, each forming their own volcano. This age, was known as the Cryston. The forgotten founders have just barley put up the monument in the middle of the region, allowing life to be allowed. The monument had a problem, it keeps life on land, and it keeps all of the debris from the towns, but it made all the water to be replaced with lava/magma. But, years before the incident, a set of pipelines have been set to send pure, clean water to town, which allows them to live. Back to the wizards/gods making the volcanoes, three of them sacrificed their lives to place the volcanoes. But, one wizard/god decided that he would make a robe to make himself invulnerable to fire, making him live in the center of the volcano. He had added a feature to his robe, it makes it so the heat adds power to himself. He has stayed in the volcano until he was strong enough to break through the barrier the monument has set up. ---------------------------------------------- That is adding onto this: doansdomain.proboards27.com/index.cgi?board=creative&action=display&thread=1162227043 I added a little bit more to it... --------------------------------------------- How does that sound, any edits I may need? ---------------------------------------------- Also, if that still needs a little explaining, read down on post 9. ---------------------------------------------- nevermind... The video sucked, here is one of them, does not show as much as I had hoped... www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTsgBK0JpuI------------------------------------------------ I voted other for me, because I SUCK at making storys... ------------------------------------------------- FEATURES: Mini Map: I have added a mini map for ALL world map locations with a little black box around it. Clock: I have added a clock to ALL locations. Thanks goes to Drew (RealityBites) for designing it and helping me with it. HH:MM (24-hour) Quita attempting days... Time of day: I have made the time of day officially in the game. Save Spots: Added custom save spots. Custom Camara System: Press [ ] to change camara distance, or virtical angle. rotate is standard. Secret bosses and items.
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Post by realitybites on Nov 8, 2006 19:37:32 GMT -5
Its good so far, it would be better if we had some more to work off of.
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Post by Maindric Games © on Nov 8, 2006 22:54:06 GMT -5
I am going to work on the characters backround soon, then get some moer detail in the story as soon as I can, I have just not have gotten there yet...
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Post by vespuleth on Nov 9, 2006 1:55:52 GMT -5
i need more details.
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Post by The Smurf on Nov 9, 2006 6:47:35 GMT -5
yeah, we need a lot more to go on than what you've given before we can really make any type of judgment.
-the smurf
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Post by Maindric Games © on Nov 9, 2006 7:54:13 GMT -5
I added a link to the story up there, just thought I wanted a poll, that is why I did not just put it into the other post I had it in.
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Post by doyleman on Nov 9, 2006 21:30:49 GMT -5
i put other for the following:
the mysterious force, while at default, is cliche`, BUT could be 'not' cliche`. I dont know enough to say it's good or bad, but for now, as a starting point for the overall story, its ok.
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Post by Maindric Games © on Nov 9, 2006 21:32:49 GMT -5
What I mean by that, is the town is claiming to be under attack, and the people of Folicon does not really believe it, so they are just calling it the mysterious force, as a joke...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2006 23:29:38 GMT -5
Well, it could be better, and I'll put examples of how. First off, these links will help. Neo's (Doshi's) FANTASTIC articles: www.freewebs.com/hitouspalace/rpgarticles.htmWhat I think is good advice from me: doansdomain.proboards27.com/index.cgi?board=realitybites&action=display&thread=1162583334doansdomain.proboards27.com/index.cgi?board=williamkirk&action=display&thread=1143929829Next, we need more. I'd recommend writing a full script with basic setting descriptions, action commands, facial commands, and exact dialogue then sending it to someone who you think can help you improve your work significantly. This does indeed take more time and effort, but it will surely yield a much better result seeing as you'll be able to revise exactly what you'll be making in RPG Maker 2 several times before making it and thus have a much better script, plan if you will, before making it on RPG Maker 2. Nonetheless, here are my comments/criticisms/etc. about what you've posted thus far in both topics. "OK, there will be the basic game, then 15 spin-offs, and this is the idea:" This is one thing I have always warned people about. Do you seriously think you can make 15 good games let alone 15 games, period? Furthermore, if you're holding back ideas for future stories, your first story will suffer, no? In summary, have you ever played .hack or Xenosaga? Well, they suck because of this. They leave you hanging game after game after game and it pisses people off. The sales from game to game have dropped disastrously and by the looks of it there may not even be a Xenosaga 4 like they originally planned... The lesson: try to put as many of your good ideas as possible into one game and only if they don't fit in it should you plan another game and put them in that one. "There is this town, named Folicon, and it is in the middle of a volcanic region, surrounded by 15 very active volcanoes. And the only reason why the town is still standing, is because of it's famous monument, known to keep the volcanic ash and other debris from the area. But, the one in the central volcano, the volcano located in the middle and the most powerful of all, knows of this "obscenity" and wants to remove the town from this region. Four heroes, born and raised in the town of Folicon, shall rise and rid of this force. The only problem is, they do not know it yet." My first criticism's the obvious one: 15 very active volcanoes all near each other is rather unbelievable. Second is also obvious: we need a better explanation of everything. How does the monument protect them, or do the people only believe that it protects them? What exactly do you mean by "obscenity" (the monument?)? And, the volcanic ash, other debris, and volcano know of this "obscenity" and want to remove the town from that region? Third is simple too, but more difficult to fix: everyone hates the sterotypical hero lead protagonist (main character). Fourth is simple too, but more difficult to fix: where's the journey in all this? What I mean is, as of now it's just the four guys/girls going to one volcano and that's it? And lastly I agree with Doshi's note about The Chosen One cliche. That has got to be one of the worst cliches of all to have in a game. "The story starts in Folicon, and the town of Sintial claims to be attacked by mysterious forces, so some knights in Folicon go to check it out, Severin, not supposed to go, ignores his orders, and sneaks onto the transportation, taking them to Sintial. As Severin has just recently been recruited, and is getting tired of doing nothing allk the time, he wants to try something, different. Next to no prior training, he is in way over his head." While there is some more information, it's still lacking in details and it still doesn't contain anything we haven't seen in numerous games before. My full script idea is sounding pretty good. Also, I know it's hard when someone decapitates and, for lack of better words, poops on your story like I did, but I want you to know that even I voted Other seeing as it can still be worked with to become good. Just don't give up and try real hard. Also, if this is just for your first game to try to learn RPG Maker 2, then don't worry about any of this and just have fun!!!
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Post by Maindric Games © on Nov 10, 2006 0:07:19 GMT -5
"This is one thing I have always warned people about. Do you seriously think you can make 15 good games let alone 15 games, period? Furthermore, if you're holding back ideas for future stories, your first story will suffer, no? In summary, have you ever played .hack or Xenosaga? Well, they suck because of this. They leave you hanging game after game after game and it pisses people off. The sales from game to game have dropped disastrously and by the looks of it there may not even be a Xenosaga 4 like they originally planned... The lesson: try to put as many of your good ideas as possible into one game and only if they don't fit in it should you plan another game and put them in that one."
Honestly I do not expect to make them good or even remotly long. Just some short games, trying new things in each, I know I cannot make 16 long, good games. I am just going to make things new in each, only about 1 hour games maybe...
"My first criticism's the obvious one: 15 very active volcanoes all near each other is rather unbelievable. Second is also obvious: we need a better explanation of everything. How does the monument protect them, or do the people only believe that it protects them? What exactly do you mean by "obscenity" (the monument?)? And, the volcanic ash, other debris, and volcano know of this "obscenity" and want to remove the town from that region? Third is simple too, but more difficult to fix: everyone hates the sterotypical hero lead protagonist (main character). Fourth is simple too, but more difficult to fix: where's the journey in all this? What I mean is, as of now it's just the four guys/girls going to one volcano and that's it? And lastly I agree with Doshi's note about The Chosen One cliche. That has got to be one of the worst cliches of all to have in a game."
1) Well, it is fantasy, so, is everything not possible? If you make a game to real, then it well be boring...
2)The whole idea that the town/s are able to still be standing in the area... The monument portrays a forcefeild around the town, keeping all of the ash/flying rock/fliying lava, that type of stuff from the town/s.
3) I just said that becouse, well, could not think of another way to say it...
4) Well, they are going to another local small town, and the story will develop from there, I do not want to get to much into detail on it, becouse, if it is to dificult, then I will not be able to pull it off...
5) Well, as I was thinking on it, he may not be a 'hero,' but more of a helper type person, but is reqiured to go on...
"Also, if this is just for your first game to try to learn RPG Maker 2, then don't worry about any of this and just have fun!!! "
Thanks! ^^
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Post by Neo Samurai on Nov 10, 2006 15:36:34 GMT -5
I'd just like to say that no story idea is a waste of time. It's just the way that it is told that determines whether it succeeds or fails. I'd recommend keep working on your story from beginning to end. Then, since you'll have all the content of your story down somewhere, you can easily revise anything that needs to be. I agree with Poopiness on the 15 spin-offs. That really isn't necessary. I know they aren't games, but look at the Lord of the Rings. There were only 3 books (4 if you count The Hobbit), and yet, they turned out to be very good. Quality is much better than quantity. But of course, if you're just doing them for fun and don't expect to release them on this site, go on ahead. I definitely agree that 15 volcanoes is a little unbelievable and also a bit too much. You could easily shrink that down. As for "plot holes", what I like to do is write down the various things in my stories that will need to be explained later in a notepad document. Then, I refer to it every now and then until I think it's an appropriate time to explain the reason for it. This doesn't have to just apply to the supernatural. It could be anything that you can't quite seem to come up with a reason behind, but you still want to put it in your story. Also, above all, have fun.
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Post by Maindric Games © on Nov 10, 2006 16:41:04 GMT -5
Yeah, it is very unbeleivable, but, it is not going to be something to big, they are just there as I guess you can say, 'teaching games' To teach me how to make games on RPGM2, which will, in turn, make me understand this game/tool easier.
EDIT::: Actually, I have been thinking on it, I might just make 4 volcanoes, so then it will be 5 games.....
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Post by Neo Samurai on Nov 10, 2006 20:42:13 GMT -5
Great! Yeah, when you're trying to familiarize yourself with the system, it's best to start simple when it comes to a story (or, you don't even have to use one at all). Best of luck to you.
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Post by Maindric Games © on Nov 11, 2006 13:31:03 GMT -5
I just hope my plan will work out...
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Post by Neo Samurai on Nov 11, 2006 17:13:18 GMT -5
Only you know what's best. If you feel this is what's going to work best for you, go ahead.
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Post by Maindric Games © on Nov 11, 2006 17:19:48 GMT -5
If anyone wants to see a demo, just aske me, I'll show you on my WLM...
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Post by Neo Samurai on Nov 11, 2006 18:02:23 GMT -5
Yeah. I'm sure everyone would like to see it.
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Post by Maindric Games © on Nov 11, 2006 20:08:32 GMT -5
Well, just add me on Windows Live Messenger, and I shall put it up on webcam, if available.
Account name: Darkend12@hotmail.com.
WARNING: Anyone who adds me may be offended by my photo, it is me with both my middle fingers up.
FEATURES ADDED!: I have added two, helpful features, I placed in a mini map, and thanks to the VERY helpful help from Drew (RealityBites), I was able to have a clock in my game, FULLY FUNCTIONAL! I may get to work on times of day soon, look for more updates in the first post!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2006 23:41:47 GMT -5
"1) Well, it is fantasy, so, is everything not possible? If you make a game to real, then it well be boring..." Actually, this is only the case if your game is filled with fantasy things that would require long, detailed, boring explanations. My game's story, for example, uses magic in the gameplay, but that's it. I was thinking about it about two months ago and realized that my game could be turned into a big Blockbuster movie that everyone, even those who didn't like how much fantasy things such as wizards, goblins, elves, etc. were in the Lord of the Rings could and would enjoy equally, because all I would need to do to cut out all of my game's story's fantasy stuff - just magic - would be changing the mages in my game to sword fighters, archers, spear fighters, etc. instead of mages. Even though that was the single longest sentence ever posted at the Domain, my point is rather simple. The VAST majority of people don't go "Ooh! A Dragon!" or "Ooh! A Ninja!" and automatically like the game just because a dragon, ninja, etc. appeared. Most people want something deeper and more meaningful, that would require talent and hard work on the writer's part, out of the story, and that has nothing to do with whether there are fantasy things such as magic, dragons, ninjas, etc. in it or not. What I want you to walk away with from this long and dreary post of mine is this: Once the player thinks "Oh come on! WTF? I don't believe that." about something story related such as setting, motive, plot, etc. you lose the trance you had on the audience - reminding them that it's just a game and it's not real - and thus make everything storywise such as character development, plot twists, theme strengthening, etc. from that point onward have a (much) lesser impact on them because the game's story is less realistic to them. So, for example, you can keep it surrounded by volcanoes, but lower it to a more reasonable number (I'd say three at most, or better yet do some research to find what's truly believable), and you can keep the monument that protects them, but explain to the player how it preotects them and/or why they think it protects them... You can keep fantasy things in your game, but make them believable. I emphasize the word believable because it shouldn't get mixed up with the words fantasy and realism. For more on creating a believable setting, I strongly recommend you read through this article of Neo's. It has much more insight than what I gave you: www.freewebs.com/hitouspalace/settingbackdropofstories.htmAnd the other articles of his too: www.freewebs.com/hitouspalace/rpgarticles.htmPoop out!
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Post by Maindric Games © on Nov 13, 2006 19:57:37 GMT -5
Check the first post, I lowered the volcano count to four, and added history and made it so the setting plays more of an important role.
OH, and Doan, or whoever can, I would have no objections to haveing my own forum, if you have free time...
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Post by Neo Samurai on Nov 13, 2006 20:50:55 GMT -5
I've said it before, but when you're giving us details on your game (especially when it's just in summary form), you've got to put them in separate paragraphs. I know it might not seem like a big deal, but it kind of discourages the reader and makes them think, "Whoa! This is a lot to take in." And even if it is, you get "one little baby step at a time" when the whole summary is separated into different paragraphs. Having said that, I'm gonna try reading it now, but it might help to separate them into different paragraphs for anyone else who might read it. Edit: All right. Your backstory has potential, but it's a little confusing. It's kind of a "this happened, followed by this" sort of thing. Anyway... This is a really cliched and overdone plot device that can be found in many old school RPGs. Now, while I think something like this could work, I think the whole "added a feature to his robe" is sort of uninspired. It makes the robe way too "overpowered". If you read or play any good Fantasy books or games, you'll notice that there's always a catch to these magical items. They have to take something away from the user. So, anyway, here's what I would suggest: 1) Drop the "heat adds to his power" thing. 2) The wizard obviously needs some sort of material to go about making this robe. I believe the material should be difficult to obtain and the crafting of the robe should be equally as difficult (maybe even harder). And it shouldn't be just "difficult" for a common person or whatever. Creating such a robe should be challenging for the wizard as well. I'm sorry if I sounded too harsh, but I really think these things should be changed. Otherwise, I think you've got a good start.
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Post by Maindric Games © on Nov 13, 2006 20:54:25 GMT -5
Is that a little better?
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2006 2:34:04 GMT -5
Well, the separating of it's definitely good, very good. Being organized is EXTREMELY important - imagine yourself two or three months from now with tons and tons and TONS of stuff written down and/or typed up! Anyways... "The story starts in Folicon, and the town of Sintial claims to be attacked by mysterious forces, so some knights in Folicon go to check it out, Severin, not supposed to go, ignores his orders, and sneaks onto the transportation, taking them to Sintial." You should edit this post so that it explains it better instead of referring people to the other post down in the topic. And, even then, there are more things you need to cover than breifly explaining the attack on Sintial like you did such as: 1) Why would Sintial get attacked/not get attacked? 2) Who does Sintial think is attacking them? 3) And the biggy, why does Severin ignore his orders and go to Sintial? Wouldn't he have second thoughts given his total lack of experience, like everyone would? Even people who decide to commit suicide ALWAYS hesitate and furthermore most often don't follow through with it. Actually, #3 is my most common criticism of RPGM 1 and 2 games so far. We play as Mr. X for a good hour or more, sometimes even the whole game or almost the whole game, yet never learn how he thinks, why he does what he does and is the way he is, etc. In the end it leaves the audience rather disconnected and not emotionally attached to who's supposed to be the most important character in the story, and thus leads to everything in the story having much less of an impact on the audience. "As Severin has just recently been recruited, and is getting tired of doing nothing all the time, he wants to try something, different. Next to no prior training, he is in way over his head." While "getting tired of doing nothing all the time and [wanting] to [do] something different" is a reason for him to go, we still need to see some real thought process and believable (there's the word again, believable) motive for him to do this. "Before the current time of the plot:: Four powerful wizards, some know them to have been gods, have been running the region of Crystion Frelicious, and have rarely been seen to the rest of society. But one day, the starting of a new age, something had made the four wizards/gods mad, causing the region to flood with lava, each forming their own volcano. This age, was known as the Cryston. The forgotten founders have just barley put up the monument in the middle of the region, allowing life to be allowed. The monument had a problem, it keeps life on land, and it keeps all of the debris from the towns, but it made all the water to be replaced with lava/magma. But, years before the incident, a set of pipelines have been set to send pure, clean water to town, which allows them to live. Back to the wizards/gods making the volcanoes, three of them sacrificed their lives to place the volcanoes. But, one wizard/god decided that he would make a robe to make himself invulnerable to fire, making him live in the center of the volcano. He had added a feature to his robe, it makes it so the heat adds power to himself. He has stayed in the volcano until he was strong enough to break through the barrier the monument has set up." Yadda yadda yadda, I stopped reading back at "Four powerful wizards, some know them to have been gods" because of how cliched, unoriginal, uninspired, and unbelievable it is... Okay, I didn't really, and I'm extremely sorry if that hurt your feelings!! Just, in the game, remember that a) you have townspeople to fill in extra information and b) you need to make the visual and audio of this narrative (if it is a narrative, it's up to you of course) entertaining and captivating. As for help with this, I'm gonna just refer you to the same article of Neo's (Doshi's) I did earlier that goes over how to make a good, believable setting: www.freewebs.com/hitouspalace/settingbackdropofstories.htmNeo's (Doshi's) articles kick ass!!!
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Post by Maindric Games © on Nov 14, 2006 13:47:03 GMT -5
That is what made me type up the backround of the story, which is giving the setting a plot, I read the whole thing...
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Post by Neo Samurai on Nov 14, 2006 17:09:21 GMT -5
I'm thinking maybe starting with setting won't be right for you. Everyone has their own preferences when writing. So, I'd suggest trying to find your "writing style". Your style is the method in which you use to write. For instance, one person might feel best starting out with a character, but another would rather start with a plot. Just try doing different things. It's kind of like finding a job that works for you. My one cousin's fiance did all kinds of odd jobs when he was around my age. Some he would enjoy working at, and others he told me, "Just plain sucked." But eventually, he found a job that suits his needs and that he enjoys. That's why I think it's BS when people say that, "They aren't good writers and never will be". I believe that as long as you have the determination and discipline to sit down and just write, you can do fine. Just keep working at it, and you'll eventually find your "style".
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