Horizons - need some honest feedback

[The Smurf]

okay -

i've been planning this song for a while, but i never really wrote anything down (big mistake, i know). therefore, most of it is improv. it's a really rough sketch of a song, with a few mess ups that i was too lazy to fix. all in all, however, i think it's pretty good for a "test" version.

Horizons is an instrumental song (length 6:01) that has taken huge influence from my new obsession, Rush. it is my first experimentation with writing an instrumental, as well as using a different time signature (7/4 in the bridge). my producing and recording powers are not very good, and the song itself is a little sloppy. however, it gets the point across.

if you have the time, the bandwidth, and some speakers, i ask that you give Horizons a listen. i would love to know if i'm on the right track or not. thanks in advance.

home.comcast.net/~smurf90/onlinestorage/Horizons.mp3

warning: it's probably huge. otherwise, enjoy.


-the smurf

[Doan the Nado]

I just listened to it, and I took some notes for you.

Overall, I liked it. I've really been getting into classic rock and hard rock since playing Guitar Hero, and this definitely had the sound of some nice classic rock.

The opening seemed a little bit awkward. The rhythm was definitely a bit off in a few places, and I think that may have been the main reason for it. I realize that may largely be due to the lack of any kind of drum beat (even a slow cymbal tap would've made it easier), and I'm sure that you can improve on it in future versions with more practice.

There were a couple spots where the chords seemed weird, but I'm guessing that those are the mess-ups that you were referring to.

When the music all got started and the lead guitar part came in, that's when I really started to like it. I noticed some slight bending/whammying in a few places that I really appreciated, and the overall playing was good. Everything fit together pretty nicely, in my opinion.

The song ended rather abruptly. I don't know if this is because you just stopped or because something screwed up with the download, but I just wanted to point it out just in case.

I really liked it, though, so don't let my criticisms get you down; I'm just trying to help out. And if this is a "test version", then you are certainly on the right track.

Thanks for sharing.

[The Smurf]

admin said:

I've really been getting into classic rock and hard rock since playing Guitar Hero

that was my gateway into the realm of classic rock as well. ;D

admin said:

The opening seemed a little bit awkward. The rhythm was definitely a bit off in a few places, and I think that may have been the main reason for it. I realize that may largely be due to the lack of any kind of drum beat (even a slow cymbal tap would've made it easier), and I'm sure that you can improve on it in future versions with more practice.

agreed. the no drums really was a hindrance, but other than a bass drum coming in with the bass guitar, they don't really fit into it. but yes, i did hesitate in a few places there and it was off. meh. i'll either fix it or chuck it next time.

admin said:

There were a couple spots where the chords seemed weird, but I'm guessing that those are the mess-ups that you were referring to.

yep. those and a few notes that weren't part of the scale that i was playing (plus the notes that didn't quite make any noise...). but generally, when i improv i tend to sound sloppier than when i have at least a general idea of how i want the solos to sound. i guess it can't be helped. maybe i should actually write something down...

admin said:

When the music all got started and the lead guitar part came in, that's when I really started to like it. I noticed some slight bending/whammying in a few places that I really appreciated, and the overall playing was good. Everything fit together pretty nicely, in my opinion.

thank you. i felt the lead in the beginning was a little weaker than after the first chorus, but i guess that's just my own self-criticisms. and there was no whammying...i dislike whammying. it's too much of a pain to do. but there were plenty of bends, hammer-ons, pull-offs, trills, and even some taps (that are unfortunately just barely audible) to make up for it.

admin said:

The song ended rather abruptly. I don't know if this is because you just stopped or because something screwed up with the download, but I just wanted to point it out just in case.

no, i just stopped. here's my reason: the one song that mainly inspired this is called La Villa Strangiato, by Rush. it's a nine and a half minute long intrumental with the greatest soloing i've ever heard. the ending? a quick C chord and then nothing. it's as if they were saying: "yeah. what now. we don't even need an ending. " though Horizons isn't quite as good, i felt the quick, snappy ending is appropriate. i'll work on it and see if i can make it seem less abrupt, however, and more fluent.

admin said:

I really liked it, though, so don't let my criticisms get you down; I'm just trying to help out. And if this is a "test version", then you are certainly on the right track.

not at all. i need criticism to get better. i know i'm not the greatest musician out there, so i need opinions from others to see where i need to get better. thanks for the input. whenever i get around to reworking the song, i'll certainly take all of your suggestions into account.




-the smurf

[Joey MURDERFACE!]

I do like it =P

I am trying to think of things to point out but the only things I seem to notice ahve been mentioned by Doan. Keep it up though =D
I like it a lot and I am a huge fan of classic rock and whatnot, I grew up on that stuff. and I am a huge Rush fan =D

Hope to hear some more stuff, just keep at it man =D

[Joey MURDERFACE!]

May I suggest checking out some of the following bands?

"Grand Funk Railroad"
"Boston"
"Nazareth"
"Whitesnake"
"Cheap Trick"
"Red Rider"
"Santana"
"Lynyrd Skynyrd"

Those are just some classic rock bands which i think you should check out, you may like em, you may not, but at least give them a shot. Most of them I am sure you have already heard anyways lol. I write stuff as well, maybe I will post something sometime. Anyways, I like the music, stick with it and I hope to hear more =D

[The Smurf]

i like Boston, Whitesnake, Cheap Trick, and Santana. not that big of a fan of Lynyrd Skynyrd, but whatever. the rest i've never heard of, so i'll give them a listen sometime. thanks for the comments.

Well, here's the deal. I decided I wasn't satisfied with an instrumental. I've decided to take what I have and add onto it, creating one of those eleven and a half minute long concept album/story songs. The instrumental is Part I, the Overture. Not only that, but the theme is based off of Freewill: Book of Prophecy. I'm working on a rerecording, and I've written some lyrics. Now, I don't have a microphone, nor do I have any intention on singing anyway...but whatever. Here's what I gots so far:

Horizons
Part I. Overture

-no lyrics-

Part II. Journey of Faith

Long ago a battle was won
A verdict was made, an adventure begun
To amend our blind way of life
Based on the stars and the moon's pallid light
And the judgment of the wind
And the fury of the flame
And the feeling in their hearts
That will never be the same
And the forces of the earth
And the wonder of the wave
That urged them to embark
On this journey of faith
Long ago a story was told
Of the heroes who changed the cultures of old
A party set out on a journey of faith
To fight for free will and release us from fate

Part III. The Prophecy

A new day is on the horizon
No tragic heroes of the legends of old
The pages turn the chapter of the story
And the prophecy is never told
A new day is on the horizon
The despots and the prophets who were wrong
Elusive dreams now forming fables
And the prophecy, the prophecy is gone
Into the distance
The world is calm and still
Their clandestine resistance
Spawns the birth of free will
A new day is on the horizon
The ephemeral gods looked down at us and said
The spirit of the earth shall keep on living
For the prophecy, the prophecy is dead

Part IV. Into the Horizon

-no lyrics-




-the smurf

[thetruecoolness]

So like the other said the intro is pretty rough. Seems there were a few half muted notes in there from time to time. But I like the sound. Some of the chords near the end sound kind of off key a bit, but maybe that's just me. Never have become good at playing by ear. Also there is a pretty rough spot near the very end. It really picks up in the middle though, really digging the sound there.

So do you have a band or did you play all the parts and mix them together. Just curious as there is obviously bass, lead and rhythm guitar, and drums in there.

[The Smurf]

So like the other said the intro is pretty rough. Seems there were a few half muted notes in there from time to time. But I like the sound. Some of the chords near the end sound kind of off key a bit, but maybe that's just me. Never have become good at playing by ear. Also there is a pretty rough spot near the very end. It really picks up in the middle though, really digging the sound there.

yeah, i'm trying to rework the intro, and i think i've done a bit of a better job with my new recording. it still needs some work, though. the ending did have a few mess-ups, as did most of the song. hopefully future versions won't be as icky.

So do you have a band or did you play all the parts and mix them together. Just curious as there is obviously bass, lead and rhythm guitar, and drums in there.

well, it's debatable. technically no, but i do know people who play the instruments i need (bass and drums) and we have gotten together before, so there are possibilities. as for this, it was me on everything.

thanks for listening.


-the smurf

[thetruecoolness]

Well that's pretty impressive you did the whole song by yourself. You seem to be quite the musical talent, just need some polish, and I'm sure a little mastering know-how would help a bit on the recording as well. But certainly more impressive knowing you did all 4 parts.

Well it's certainly catchy as I had it in my head this morning.