Adventures of the Self

[The Final Rune]

Adventures of the Self
So I ask myself, what do you think I have the all the answers, and I say, that's why I asked isn't it?

Then I get mad see, and I punch myself, not too hard, I gotta face to protect, but just enought to let myself know I'm not joking.

Then, things got serious, soon hair was flying and kicks were being slung and before I knew I had managed to kick the crap out of myself, let me tell you, that was one hell of a mess!

So when I got done mopping up my excriments, I decided to go over to my house and give myself a good piece of my mind, strangely enough I wasn't home, in the end I figured it was for the best.

A couple days later I decided to apologize right, but when I did, I had the nerve to tell myself to F-off, can you believe that?

It went downhill quickly, and that's all I can really say, because of the gag order and all.

But, I got arrested soon after, for violating a restraining order against myself, I told the judge I couldn't help it, but he just said I needed help.

I thought he was joking, so I said, no judge, its you that need some help, and he became quite offended.

Things once again got worse and soon I was up there with myself, punching the judge for making fun of mes.

Now, the nice ladies at the home feed me little blue pills and I don't hit myself no more, but we still argue a lot, oh well.

[The Smurf]

...um...


-the smurf

[The Final Rune]

Adventures of the Self - Part 2
My day started like any other, until I showed up and ruined everything.

I wouldn't shut that smart ass mouth of mine so I decided to make myself shut up.

I sad "hey, shut the F up freak!" and I replied "screaw you A-hole its a free country!"

So, I said "Free this!" and kicked myself right square in the family jewels.

I crippled over in pain, my point was clear and I shut up.

I thought it was over till some one jumped on my back and threw me to the floor.

I looked up to see my angry face yelling obscenities at me.

Then my foot came down on my throat and began to choke the life out of me.

I stuggled and struggled, but I was too strong, before I knew it I was out cold.

I woke up in a hospital, myself lying next to me in the next bed.

"What happened to him?" I asked the nurse, she just looked at me funny and left the room.

Later some pigs came in and asked what went down.

I told them the whole story, but when I was done the just laughed and said, "no seriously what happened?"

I tried to start again but then they got a call and had to leave.

So I decided to go over to me and find my side of the story.

Appearently I wasn't in a very talketive mood, cause as soon as I saw myself I punched me right in the face.

Once again I was the floor brawling with me and I knew this wasn't going to end well.

[Neo Samurai]

ROFLMFAO!

These stories are hilarious!

[Dark Knight Of Lodis]

When does Part 3 come out? lol

[The Final Rune]

Adventures of the Self - Part 3
One day I want into the bathroom and found him there again staring at me in the mirror.

I don't know how I do it, but I hate it when I do.

So I raised up fist and hit me.

I hit me back, I saw the fist coming right as I hit the mirror.

And man did I hurt me, my hand was bleeding all over.

I swore at myself. "Screw you !" I shouted in return.

I went out to the car to go to the hospital, but my hand really hurt and I couldn't drive, so I told myself to grab the wheel and I got in the back seat and let myself drive.

But I can't drive for crap because soon I wrapped the car around a tree.

When the ambulance came I was already fading.

I saw this bright light and I started to climb into heaven.

Unfortunately that can't drive for crap loser was right beside me the whole way up.

I stood beside myself in front of St. Peter.

I tried to speak, but I cut myself off.

"That loser got me killed because he can't drive for !"

"Who can't drive?" asked St. Peter, looking puzzled.

"Me over there!" I said and I pointed to where I was standing.

"Um, yeah, ok," said St. Peter, then he said, "Just wait right here for a minute."

He got up and left. I waited for what seemed like forever.

He came back with some big glowy dude.

He whispered something to him and then pointed at me.

They both began laughing at me. I didn't like this much and like always things got into it bad real quick.

So, now I live in a real warm place and the food is always hot, so I can't complain too much, but man could I use some water!

[Dark Knight Of Lodis]

Poor guy, schizophrenia sucks.

[The Final Rune]

Adventures of the Self - Final
I have had it up to here with me!

Its time me and I had it out once and for all!

I told me to get out here and fight!

If I'm not coming out, then I'm gonna come in there and get me!

I asked for it!

This time I'm gonna really kick my ass!

I threw a left and a right and I kicked nut into my stomach.

Man did that hurt!

So I bit down on my ankle unitl it bled.

I knew things were getting out of hand when I pulled out the aluminum bat.

I never knew bones broke so easily.

I couldn't fight me off, so I did the only thing I could think of - I shot myself square in the face.

I felt warm for a minute but then it got cold.

I don't remember much more, but I know it was dark for a really long time till I saw this bright light. I moved closer and coloser, until I got close enough to see around me.

I was ready for it, to see me still there tagging along, but I was gone.

Finally I was free of myself, and I then knew I was home and that all my stuggles were over.

[Dark Knight Of Lodis]

That was a beautiful story.

[Neo Samurai]

Why are you ending the stories? They rock! The Adventures of the Self should become a new show on Comedy Central or something, because they rock.

[The Final Rune]

Maybe I should make a sequel. Any suggestions anyone?

[Neo Samurai]

*bump*

[The Final Rune]

Adventures of the Self - The Second Coming
I woke up this morning to find me lying next to me in bed.

I began screaming at me asking what I had done to my girlfriend!

Very calmly I told myself that I didn't have a girlfriend.

"I am I liar" I said.

"No I am a dumb ass" I said.

"Am I trying to piss me off?"

"Don't make me kick my ass" I responded.

I pointed and said "Oh crap what's that?"

And from out of nowhere I sucker punched myself.

My nose was bleeding and I jumped up and tackled myself.

I threw me to the floor and really let me have it.

I brought my knee into my stomach and punched until I was spitting blood.

I suddenly realized that maybe I was in over my head.

I am a lot stronger than I look.

I yelled out "I HATE ME!"

I screamed back "I HATE ME TOO!"

I threw a right cross into my temple and knocked myself out cold.

[Neo Samurai]

ROFLMAO!

Edit:

BTW, cool avatar.

[The Final Rune]

Adventures of the Self - The Second Coming - Chapter 2
"What are you looking at?" I ask myself.

"I'll tell me when I figure out if that's my face or if my neck just threw up on itself."

Shaking my fist at myself I say, "I got a lot of nerve."

"Oh yeah? What am me going to do about it?"

I smile a smug little grin and swing my foot in my nuts.

"Oh !" I squeak in a little girly voice.

"I'm really going to get it now."

So I rush myself and slam me into the wall.

I turn myself around and begin pounding on my kidneys.

I could taste blood in my mouth.

I want to make me suffer.

"I'll never let me hit me again," I scream.

"Me and what army?"

I spin around and grab my wrist.

"I'm gonna kill ME!"

I bend my arm behind my back and slam my head into the wall with my other hand.

"This will teach me to mess with me!"

I slam my head against the wall until I stop struggling.

"I crap! I think I killed me!"

I had to clean myself up and get rid of my body.

So I found a big rug and roll myself up in it.

I stuff my corpse into my trunk and drive me out to the local landfill.

I pull out my body, but I grab my arm.

"Oh crap! I am still alive!" I yell.

I pull my shovel out of the trunk and whack myself in the head over and over until the rug was soaked with my blood.

"That will do it." I said. "No way I lived through that!"

[Neo Samurai]

Another excellently funny chapter.

[DYRE]

I really liked the first paragraph or so of the second one, but they're all excelent.

[Deleted]

I second what DYRE said.

Sorry it took me so long to read this and reply to it.

[Joey MURDERFACE!]

haha I foun tose quite entertaining, thank you a lot for that =)