The Dark Light (tenative title)

[The Last Dawn]

This is a story I'm working on. Nothing concrete yet, but I would appreciate any feedback.



Once the world was dark, covered in an endless shadow, and evil creatures roamed the world devouring the light wherever it was found. The people cried to their gods. Deliver us from this fate! The gods where wrought with internal discord. Many gods thought the people should save themselves, others wanted to help. A solution could not be found. So, in compromise the gods decided to divide the planet in two. One half would forever be made light while the other will be forever shrouded by darkness. The people in the light rejoiced. We are saved, they proclaimed. But, the unfortunate ones trapped in the dark found only a continued existence of increasing hardship. The people of the world split their kind in two as well. The Shade and the Bright, the new races of the world, soon became constant adversaries. After years of war no peaceful end seemed possible and the Bright decided to erect a wall creating a permanent rift separating the light from the dark. Hundreds of years passed and the Bright lived in peace, safe behind their global wall. But the Shade, trapped within the dark, festered in their anger.

A Shade couple, desperate to escape the dark, cross the wall using narrow and dangerous mountain paths. They cross and survive and live a life of peace in the outer mountains north of a Bright colony. They raise their son, a Bright by birth, but a Shade by blood, into a dashing young boy. The family is happy in the light, until the local villagers discover their mountain shack. Presented with their observations the villagers see two very pale Shades with a very tan child and assume the worst. The child is stripped from his loving parents and watches in horror as the villagers torch his home with his parents trapped inside. Afterwards the villagers try to convince the boy that he was kidnapped as a baby, that the parents he knew were evil and an abomination to the beauty of the light. Frightened and alone the boy flees his misguided saviors. Knowing only what his parents taught him he crosses the mountains to return to the shadowed world. His blood calls at him from the dark, beckoning him home.

He successfully crosses the wall and enters into the realm of the Shade. But all will not be as it seems when the pale people of the Shade run across this boy of the light.

[vespuleth]

im not a fan of the title. it just doesnt sit well. often, oxymoron is ingenious, but i dont like this one. other then that, the story is well developed. i think i see lots of potential for this story.

perhaps the gods who were unwilling to save the people, and wanted the people to save themselves, have now provided a way, and they are unwilling to accept it? (a boy that has ties on both sides of the wall, works to end the segregation)

some good issues could be addressed w/ this seemingly simple story, some of which include:

prejudice, religon, the need for a savior, not fitting in, finding your own way, universal human race learning to work together.

i hope this lives up to its potential. good luck.

[KingSpoom]

The whole wall thing confused me. What type of wall was it and how did only that single couple manage to get passed it?

[Doan the Nado]

I agree that the title could be better (perhaps The Light of the Shade or something like that?), and also that the reason the couple can get over the wall needs to be addressed. Other than that, the story is very good and I like the way you told it, too. Good luck!

[christi]

I like it. I think it's got a lot of potential. You said that it's a story you're working on... have you begun any sort of game development with this story, or is it still all "on paper," so to speak?

I think Doan might be onto something with "The Light of the Shade," as it seems to allude to the story well. Especially if your hero ends up somehow "saving" the Shades. However, I can see some logic in "The Dark Light," pertaining to your hero's origins... a Bright by birth, a Shade by blood. Maybe "Bright Shade?" I dunno... it's kind of cool, but might not really make sense until the player gets pretty far into the game. I'm going to stop rambling, though... it's your call.

The only question I really have about the plot at this point is, when the gods decided to seperate the world into light and dark, did they basically just draw a line down the middle, and whichever side people happened to be on was the "race" they had to become? I could see some interesting possibilities with this... if the line is a definitive split down the middle, it would probably seperate otherwise peaceful towns, maybe even households? Was the decision where the division was made based on anything in particular, or was it basically just "luck?"

Hrm... other than that, I guess that's about it.
Good luck with all of this; I'm interested to see how it develops.

[Deleted]

Yes, two indiscrepencies I found were:

How did this couple manage to get passed this otherwise impossible to pass border?
and
How did the Gods split up the people?

The answer to the second I thought of that I think would work best, since they're G o d s, is they split the pure/good souls and the dark/evil souls, or what they were convinced was each, instead of randomly sorting them (which is evil! ).

"some good issues could be addressed w/ this seemingly simple story, some of which include:
prejudice, religon, the need for a savior, not fitting in, finding your own way, universal human race learning to work together.
i hope this lives up to its potential. good luck."

Ves stole the words right out of my mouth. This leads to many themes and messages, which I think, really, really oughtta be portrayed. If the story contains purpose and meaning, then it will be able to touch people on a more personal and emotional (spiritual?) level, and leave them feeling like they too have grown and developed as a person from playing the game. That's one of my goals that I've been working hard for, and feel I have achieved with all that I've planned.

And, with the title, I would say make it somehow related to one or more major themes/messages/meanings/morals of the game. You can also make it have a literal meaning to the game. This is what I've done with Paladin. This leaves the player with a lasting reminder of what you wanted them to get from the game. (so in other words just wait till later in your game development to name it)

[vespuleth]

Niche
Prejudice
Animosity
Of Light and Dark

i personally like 'of light and dark', but like will, i am slowly evolving into more simple titles that make the player/reader question what its all about. and of course, it depends on what slant or hook you are going to use in your game, and what the overall theme is.

[The Last Dawn]

The Wall in my story is very similar the the great wall of china (sounds like a porceline nightmare) and it has withstood invasion from the Shade for hundreds of years. Now, the wars between the Bright and the Shade have subsided and after a century (give or take) some places in the wall have fallen in disrepair. And honestly, I don't think any civilization could maintain a 100% patrol of a planetary wall. So, occasionally a vagrant Shade or a two cross the wall, cause a ruckus, get killed, the hole is fixed, and the patern repeats itself. However, if a couple were to cross the wall and not make there presence known . . . you get the idea.

Also to Ves, the story of the gods is simply legend for the inhabitants of the planet. The truth behind the split will only be descovered through playing the game.

[Deleted]

How does the wall manage to crumble on its own yet defend numerous invasions of whole armies?

[vespuleth]

ummm... time probably. i figured that this couple werent the first, just the first happy w/ cohabitation, albeit secretly. sounds like a great theme for the entire game... which makes me ask, what is your theme? or are you unwilling to give it up? or do you have one at all?

[The Last Dawn]

My theme is actually quite simple:

In a quest for vengence our hero will discover the power of unity and that hate only breeds more hate.

Although, he will only begin to discover this quite a ways into the story, once he begins to unravel the mysteries of the planet and finds the true source of the division between light and dark.

[vespuleth]

very good themes. i really wish youd delve into religion some, as itd be cool to seem a seemingly simple idea encompass quite a bit of philosophy/psychology/sociology. i think itd be a good message. anyways, you really seem to have this pretty thought out, so what are some technical details?

[The Last Dawn]

I've been trying to think of a way to have battles in my game not be battles. I know that sounds funny, but let me explain.

I always had a problem with the standard - One hero can save them all - idea. It's just not practical or at all realistic. I mean come on, how does a 15 year old boy manage to save the world all on his own?

So, I have been trying to think up a new battle formula. Sadly, I've had little success. I figured I'd need to make a CBS of some sort, but what kind has me stumped.

My only idea I've come up with so far would be to do a "Dragon's Lair" type of battle system where battles are scripted out to be won or loss depending on the player's accuracy at inputting buttons that flash on the screen. Of course, I'd like to also set up the plot flow to allow the player to lose battles and keep playing.

The only problem is that that style of game would like get old fast, so I'm thinking I may be forced to use it as a rare kind of thing, like Suikoden's one on one battles, and use a modified DBS for filler in between.

[vespuleth]

if you want something to simulate large scale wars, id suggest using a tactical battle system, w/ a ...strategy level to it. something like the old game 'lord of the realm', where you position your troops, and whenever you encounter an enemy army, it goes into a seperate battle, which, in the case of the game was rts. im not sure that rts is the most practical way to do things, but doing a turn based tactical system could be just what you need.

[Deleted]

You can also rename HP "troops", and Ves is roght about that, especially if you let 10+ units on each side fight in the battle (as opposed to 5 or less). You can also keep it a little simpler by making it more like Fire Emblem or Romance of the Three Kingdoms 7 (8, etc.) and keep map and range of attacks smaller (so far I know Doan's mentioned doing that).

[vespuleth]

romance was a little complex for me to fully enjoy it. but yeah, those are solid suggestions.

[Deleted]

Ooh, I re-read that post Ves, do you mean something like Ogre Battle: MotBQ? That'd most definitely be an awesome thing to do, probably better and more unique than my suggestions. And it's much more relatively easy to make than a full on tactical battle system.

[The Final Rune]

I like the way your game sounds. I love the whole light against dark thing. Very Star Wars!

What play mechanic are you going to use? (i.e. platform RPG, standard RPG, action/RPG, etc.)

[vespuleth]

yes will, i was suggesting march of the black queen systeming.

[The Last Dawn]

I'm still mostly in planning stages, but I'd like to make my game an Adventure RPG along the lines of Wild Arms by using "tools" to interact with the enviroment and for solving puzzles.

[Deleted]

Don't worry. That's really easy to do if you make it so the player can only use them where it'll have an effect (which is what I'd recommend unless you're going all real-time like a Zelda).