Need opinions on my characters.

[Draygone]

I put my characters' personality traits down on paper, for one of my games. Most of these descriptions are spoilerific, but I'll post one or two, with maybe a little editing and without using their names. Can you tell me what you think?

* Founder of the dragon slayers. He holds a large hatred against dragons, believing no good can come from them, and has been this way since a dragon encounter some years ago. However, he holds a kind heart to mankind, and wants to destroy dragonkind so humans can once again live in peace.

* Is a member of the royal guards. He holds a firm belief that his race of beings cannot be as evil as some might believe. Because of his status as royal guard, he holds a rather cocky attitude, and hates it when he has to admit that he needs help. He also doesn't take things very seriously. His biggest strength is his reliability, though. He can take thing seriously when he needs to, especially when it concerns his race.

* Having been born and raised on the Kuwait Island, she has certainly aquired an interesting taste in clothing, at least compared to other places. Tired of the peaceful life at her original home, she left to become a detective. She also holds a rather boring personality. However, she is a master of disguise, and has great abilities as a detective. Her boss would be proud, if she were actually working for somebody.

* She lives with her master on the mountain. She's a bit touched in the head. Not really crazy, but pretty perky. She enjoys fighting like it were a game, and she's a pretty decent fighter, too. She's also loyal, a friend to the end. Her biggest fault is her fear of [...].

* A fighter adopted in the town of [...]. He's serious to the point where it's a fault. He has a hatred agains the [organization] as big as [the first guy's] hatred towards dragons. Years ago, his sister had been kidnapped. He has since been training as a fighter so he can one day search for his sister. He hopes that by journeying to get rid of the [organization], he'll find his sister along the way. He cares deeply for his friends, and would do anything to keep them safe, as he wouldn't want to lose them like he lost his sister.

* From the town of [...]. He is a skilled alchemist. Despite his mad scientist-like job, he is more like a grumpy old man than anything else. He doesn't care about what people think about him, either. Unfortunately, that means he won't use his alchemy skills to get rid of his natural stink. Despite his grumpy nature, he does enjoy a good conversation now and again, and is willing to listen to the words of his allies.

* He's mostly quiet, merely obvserving what's going on, though he will speak up when he feels he has something to say. He's not the brightest member of the group, and he knows it.

* Leader of the pirates. Because of previous events, he holds a blind rage. Or rather, not so blind, as he's able to use this rage skillfully in battle. However, he does hold a lot of honor. He used to be a well-known soldier before recent events.

* A skilled fighter like [the one guy]. She has no real home, as she is primarily a wanderer. When she first meets [the one guy], she falls in love with him, though he doesn't seem to take notice. As such, she decides to go where [the one guy] does. She realizes that [the one guy] is preoccupied, so she tends to keep her love for him a secret. She had previously given up her heritage, and most of its powers, in order to live a more adventurous life on the road.

Okay, so I pretty much gave descriptions for most of the main cast (how many are playable, I won't say). A few details I skipped here and there, obviously, but judging by what I was able to put down, what do you guys think?

[Neo Samurai]

These are pretty good. The only problem is with the fighter, his sister was kidnapped years ago. I'd presume that, by then, she would be dead. Perhaps there's proof that she is still alive?

Anyway, everything else is good.

[Draygone]

He doesn't know that. Nobody knows that. He wants to search for her, even though he may not like what he finds.

Okay, he just hasn't considered the possibility. Partially because I haven't considered the possibility. He believes that she's alive, for one reason or another.

[Dungeon Warden]

I guess these are pretty good hook notes for the characters (i.e. their motivation to get involved in the story). You'll need to add more detail (background, reactions to everything that happens in the story, personality quirks, and a flaw or two) to make them seem like real people, but the basic motivation is there and that is the important thing.

[Draygone]

Background, I sorta gave a way for a couple characters. But for the most part, I don't want to give these backgrounds outside of the game. Reactions to everything that happens in the game, I'll create with the things that happen in the game. I don't think everyone has to have a quirk. Flaws I think I have down. The first one has blind hatred against all dragons (despite the fact that previous events only involved one or two dragons), the second one is cocky, the third one...okay, perhaps her biggest flaw is how dang boring she is. The fourth one has a stupid fear, the fifth one is too serious, the sixth one is grumpy, the seventh one is a secret, the eighth one has the blind rage, and the ninth one...doesn't have a flaw it seems.

I for one think my characters are real good, for some reason. Dunno if simply because they're mine (it doesn't help that I've never gotten a whole lot of opinions of my storytelling skill, since I've never released a full story-based game thus nobody's ever seen any of the more story-intensive portions), or because I know how they're going to be involved in the story. I want to try to get each character in the spotlight at least once. In the first 30-60 minutes of the game, for example, you learn about the first character's past, and how his hatred for dragons came to be.

Anyway, perhaps you can give a good example of what's missing. Maybe use one of the characters listed and improve on it.

[Deleted]

They all seem good to me (the last one is a bit cliche but since it's only one it doesn't matter). The way to improve them is to make them grow as a character and become more mature and get past their faults (a revelation about the world, so to say), but that of course is being reserved for the game, so there really isn't anything to add. In the game they won't be described in ahort paragraph so they'll be perfectly good and such (the way you've written them shows you have a good deal planned).

[Draygone]

Trust me, that last one won't be as cliche as you think.

[WarDragon]

Sometimes cliches are good. sometimes.

[Dungeon Warden]

I can't really give an example using one of your characters because it really depends on the story, so I'll use my own example:

The NPC mayor of a small town was born to a wealthy merchant and his wife. He was better off growing up then most of the other children and came to feel he was better then they were. When he did what he was told and made his parents happy, he was rewarded. But if he was bad, he was serverly punished. Fortuately, he had a charming personality and was able to convince his parents he was good most of the time.

As he grew older, he learned the value of having a few good friends. Especially if those friends could protect him from bullies or offer him things he couldn't get on his own (at first it was trading lunches, but into adulthood it became items from far off places.)

Because of his charm and powerful friends, he became mayor of the town and took control of all the day to day affairs of the community.

Personality: Has no concept of poverty. Values works of art over money. Likes to feel he is always in control. Doesn't trust anyone and always keeps his eyes open for deception.

Quirks: likes to sound of coins jungling in his pocket. likes to see rare objects. Hates not knowing what people are up to.

Flaws: slightly paranoid. Will pay outragous sums of money to aquire unusual items.

This character feels like a real person and can have a real effect on the story depending on what happens. He could arrest the characters if he thinks they are up to something. He could help them in exchange for a rare item. He could be covinced to look the other way by a villian in the same way - although he wouldn't really look away because he wants to know what is going on at all times. I'm sure you can think of other story possibilities.

[Draygone]

Wow, that's a fairly large and detailed background. I don't think my game calls for anything like that. Actually, I never planned pasts that far. Aside from one character whose parents play a role in the story, none of my characters will even have parents mentioned. Well perhaps the one from Kuwait, but other than that. Actually, the only pasts explored are the reasons why the members are involved in the quest. And only a few NPCs are given any history. Dunno if it'll still work. My main focus with this game has always been the story. The personalities were given to these characters later on, because I realized that without interesting characters, the story wouldn't be as good. I can't say I put a ton of thought about their personalites, but I did think somewhat about them, as their personalities had to match their past and current positions. Like the character who has a hatred against all dragons, to point out an example. I knew from the start that he was supposed to hate dragons, but later on I realized that I had to take it a step furthur. Not only does he want to get rid of dragons for his own revenge, he has the welfare of mankind in mind. And actually, and this might be a small spoiler, his want for the welfare of mankind becomes more important than the simple destruction of all dragons.

[Jugem]

Draygone said:

* Founder of the dragon slayers. He holds a large hatred against dragons, believing no good can come from them, and has been this way since a dragon encounter some years ago. However, he holds a kind heart to mankind, and wants to destroy dragonkind so humans can once again live in peace.

Sounds good to me. Makes me wonder what happened in his "dragon encounter."

* Is a member of the royal guards. He holds a firm belief that his race of beings cannot be as evil as some might believe. Because of his status as royal guard, he holds a rather cocky attitude, and hates it when he has to admit that he needs help. He also doesn't take things very seriously. His biggest strength is his reliability, though. He can take thing seriously when he needs to, especially when it concerns his race.

I bolded the text above that I thought was contradictory. Usually a royal guard who is cocky and who doesn't like to accept help from others is more serious. If he doesn't take things seriously, then why does he hate asking for help? Usuallly if you're the type of guy who doesn't take things seriously, you don't really care if you need to ask for help.

* Having been born and raised on the Kuwait Island, she has certainly aquired an interesting taste in clothing, at least compared to other places. Tired of the peaceful life at her original home, she left to become a detective. She also holds a rather boring personality. However, she is a master of disguise, and has great abilities as a detective. Her boss would be proud, if she were actually working for somebody.

I just hope that if she is one of the main characters in the game, that she changes from boring to [insert more interesting personality trait here] over time. This could lead to the player getting very attached to her and could lead to something special.

* She lives with her master on the mountain. She's a bit touched in the head. Not really crazy, but pretty perky. She enjoys fighting like it were a game, and she's a pretty decent fighter, too. She's also loyal, a friend to the end. Her biggest fault is her fear of [...].

Sounds like a fun character. I think her having a fear of betrayal (someone betraying her) could lead to some very entertaining situations, and that she's very loyal so that there's less of a chance of others betraying her.

* A fighter adopted in the town of [...]. He's serious to the point where it's a fault. He has a hatred agains the [organization] as big as [the first guy's] hatred towards dragons. Years ago, his sister had been kidnapped. He has since been training as a fighter so he can one day search for his sister. He hopes that by journeying to get rid of the [organization], he'll find his sister along the way. He cares deeply for his friends, and would do anything to keep them safe, as he wouldn't want to lose them like he lost his sister.

I bet he'd turn on his friends in a moment though if it means getting his sister back. So I sense a bit of irony here.

* From the town of [...]. He is a skilled alchemist. Despite his mad scientist-like job, he is more like a grumpy old man than anything else. He doesn't care about what people think about him, either. Unfortunately, that means he won't use his alchemy skills to get rid of his natural stink. Despite his grumpy nature, he does enjoy a good conversation now and again, and is willing to listen to the words of his allies.

I can imagine some good comedic relief moments coming from this guy.

* He's mostly quiet, merely obvserving what's going on, though he will speak up when he feels he has something to say. He's not the brightest member of the group, and he knows it.

Usually the quiet guys are a little brighter...

* Leader of the pirates. Because of previous events, he holds a blind rage. Or rather, not so blind, as he's able to use this rage skillfully in battle. However, he does hold a lot of honor. He used to be a well-known soldier before recent events.

Why is he so angry? You haven't said much about this character, but I assume you're holding back details for a reason.

* A skilled fighter like [the one guy]. She has no real home, as she is primarily a wanderer. When she first meets [the one guy], she falls in love with him, though he doesn't seem to take notice. As such, she decides to go where [the one guy] does. She realizes that [the one guy] is preoccupied, so she tends to keep her love for him a secret. She had previously given up her heritage, and most of its powers, in order to live a more adventurous life on the road.

I sure hope she's not a stalker!

[Draygone]

Sounds good to me. Makes me wonder what happened in his "dragon encounter."

You find out during the first half-hour of the game.

I bolded the text above that I thought was contradictory. Usually a royal guard who is cocky and who doesn't like to accept help from others is more serious. If he doesn't take things seriously, then why does he hate asking for help? Usuallly if you're the type of guy who doesn't take things seriously, you don't really care if you need to ask for help.

Never thought of that as contradictory. He's cocky, thus he thinks he's such a great fighter. So naturally it would be a bit of a blow anytime he realizes that he needs help. And since he thinks he's so good, he doesn't feel like he has to take some things too seriously.

I just hope that if she is one of the main characters in the game, that she changes from boring to [insert more interesting personality trait here] over time. This could lead to the player getting very attached to her and could lead to something special.

I'm not really sure what all I'm going to do with her. For the most part, I decided to make her that way, 'cause I thought it would be interesting to purposely give someone a boring personality.

Sounds like a fun character. I think her having a fear of betrayal (someone betraying her) could lead to some very entertaining situations, and that she's very loyal so that there's less of a chance of others betraying her.

Actually her fear is kinda silly, yet at the same time kinda expected for someone like her.

I bet he'd turn on his friends in a moment though if it means getting his sister back. So I sense a bit of irony here.

Ooh, never thought of putting in a delemma like that. The sister substory is already fully planned out, though, so I won't be doing anything like that.

For those interested (and able), I did once release a demo for RPGM1. Some of you might recognize it if you've been at the Pavilion long enough. It was released sometime before I started work on Jester's Hunt, so it's a little out of date, but it'll give a decent idea of what I want to do. Some things will obviously change. I plan on doing a different development system for one, not to mention some of the puzzles and mini-games will be changed.

www.pavilionboards.com/forum/showthread.php?t=709

[Deleted]

I thought it didn't make sense with him not taking things seriously as well, but was too lazy to detailedly post about all the characters. There should be something to make the boring-personality character interesting though (besides the boring personality, which won't be interesting of and on its own). Otherwise great though.

[Neo Samurai]

Perhaps she's boring because she was silenced by a tragic event in her past life (Most 'boring' people don't say much. Like a word or two). That could make her character much interesting.

Hell, you can even make it where she ends up in her hometown and she starts act differently (act very suspicious). It could become a good idea if done correctly (Maybe).

[Draygone]

Perhaps boring wasn't the right word. Not sure how I can explain this. She talks in a way that you don't hear a distinct personality in her voice (er, if her voice wasn't text). Like some people have a serious tone, and some people speak in a perky way. You can usually tell those type of people when you read what they say, but you can't tell what she's like. It's kinda like she talks as if she's reading out of a school textbook. No real feeling in the way she talks; she's just talking. She's not emotionless, of course; she does get happy or angry (though the anger perhaps would be easier to see than any other emotions). She makes an appearance in the demo, and I can't remember, but I think I have her talking at least close to the way I want her to.

[Jugem]

And since he thinks he's so good, he doesn't feel like he has to take some things too seriously.

In a sense, I can see what you mean. He may think he's better than everyone else, and may not take some other people seriously. But that's toward people who aren't as "important" as he is. Put it this way; I can't imagine a laid back guy hating to admit that he needs help.

Draygone said:

Perhaps boring wasn't the right word. Not sure how I can explain this. She talks in a way that you don't hear a distinct personality in her voice (er, if her voice wasn't text). Like some people have a serious tone, and some people speak in a perky way. You can usually tell those type of people when you read what they say, but you can't tell what she's like. It's kinda like she talks as if she's reading out of a school textbook. No real feeling in the way she talks; she's just talking. She's not emotionless, of course; she does get happy or angry (though the anger perhaps would be easier to see than any other emotions). She makes an appearance in the demo, and I can't remember, but I think I have her talking at least close to the way I want her to.

By boring, do you mean quiet?

[Draygone]

The guy thinks he's so good, he doesn't have to take anything seriously. As an example, he might say "Oh, there's a fire-breathing dragon. No big deal. I should be able to get rid of it in a hit or two." But if he realizes that he won't be able to defeat the dragon without help, then he doesn't like it. And of course, there are certain instances when he gets more serious about what's going on.

The girl talks. I just can't seem to explain what I mean by boring. Eh, maybe in my attempts to make her boring, I'll wind up making her more interesting. Like a cunning person. I mean, she's a detective, so one would assume she's cunning. She's just not interesting to listen to.

[Neo Samurai]

Do you mean that the soldier is cocky? I think that he could make for a great comedy relief. My main character is the same way as well. ;D

[Draygone]

Yes, he's cocky. I thought I mentioned that.

There is going to be some comedy relief in the game, but there's also going to be some more serious moments. I'm not sure how well I can do at having comedy relief in a relatively not-comedic game. I wouldn't want to throw in comedy in the wrong places. It might ruin the moment in certain instances. Like if a character died and there was a short funeral, I probably wouldn't end it by saying "oh well, he wasn't anybody's favorite person in the world, anyway". If anything, I'd ease the plot into a more lighthearted direction. Like maybe throw that line in after another dungeon or two.

[Doan the Nado]

I think I know what you mean about the "boring" character. It's like she's just completely analytical and scientific, just says the facts and nothing more. It does seem like she should be someone who is kind of holding something back, either because she's been hurt in the past, she feels out of place since she's no longer on her island, or she has ulterior motives. The motives thing doesn't go along with the boring theme, though, so perhaps one of the first two would work.

As for all your characters in general, I really like the sound of them. If character development isn't important for more than a couple characters, you likely already have enough to just proceed with the story. Some of the more dynamic characters (the dragon hater) should have more background bio info, but it seems you already have that planned. You have a great base here for what I'm sure is a good story, so keep it up.